Book 1: Renesmee

Chapter 10: Define

I stood at the glass window, staring out, thinking about things that I should not. Not that I was not allowed to, it was just needless, I did not need to think about it. I had read a story, about a journey of struggles, to force one-self to get back on the right path. Daniella, the author, her life was perfect, starring in East Enders, the soap, until Cocaine, in which she called Coke, it had its hooks so deep inside her, she was living in a world where friends were strangers, money was harsh, and great sacrifices weighed on her shoulders as she tried to protect the lives that were hanging on the thread from the pits of starvation. She tried to support two lives, her son Kai’s and her own. Eventually, she had to face painful reality, the life that Cocaine had helped her realize but.

I imagined, how helpless she would have felt, when she had to use her own hands to dial the number, to use her own voice to tell social services that they had to take care of her son, and with her very own eyes, watch him leave with lost faith, lost hope, lost affection in his harsh, cold eyes as he stared at her, furious, and upset. “You promised!” He’d scream, but the only words she could tell him were “I’m sorry.” As I thought of how it felt, being in Daniella’s shoes, I cried. The book in my palm I clutched tightly.

“Renesmee? Renesmee! Oh dear! Why are you crying?” Alice called softly, and pulled me to her room. As I went up the stairs, I saw my father standing near the foot of the second flight of stairs to the third level. He was smiling to himself the crooked smile that my mother had always admired.

“After all these years, and you still think so much, silly girl.” He laughed, and patted my shoulder.

“I can’t help it! I’m just sensitive, okay?” I sobbed, in a tone of disagreement.

“Edward!” Alice glared at my father, and he walked down the stairs to find my mother.

Alice sat down on her bed, and told me to sit down too.

“Why were you crying? Did that mutt make you cry?” She cleaned my tears, but when she threw the next question, her strength acting on my cheekbone was shatteringly painful.

“Ouch.” I said quickly, and softly.

“Oh! I’m sorry!”

“Never mind. Alice?”

“Yes?”

“Have you ever felt so helpless before, like there was rivalry between you and life, and you were losing. When everything was being taken away from you, your career, your money, your luxury, your child, your… life. Have you?”

“Yes, I have.” Alice’s concerned glance shifted from me to the floor. I was hesitant to ask her when that was, but she answered the silent question on her own accord.

“I was kept for a century in the asylum. I was James’ personal brand of heroin, my blood, when I was human. That was what happened to Edward and Bella, but James had no intention of keeping me alive, to marry me. He didn’t want me, he only wanted my blood.” She explained with disgust.

“An old vampire, Damon, he had the ability to sense threat in everyone, despite of form and species, human, vampire, shape-shifter, half species, he could sense them all. That ability was paired with another ability, to read minds. He warned me about James, but James was coming too fast, and even if I could escape, he would be able to find me through the smell of my blood, as he was a tracker.

“So, Damon changed me into a vampire. As I stared into his liquid-topaz eyes, which were hesitant and full of doubt, he stared into my human eyes for the last time, then the agonizing pain, horrifyingly blinding and deafening, took its effect. It was so painful, it felt worser than death. I slipped deeper into the darkness, away from reality which was painful, underneath the blankets of pain it was numbness, relief. I liked it that way; I wished I didn’t need to wake up. ‘I hope you survive this.’ Damon told me as I was slipping into the dream. The last I saw through my human eyes was Damon leaving. Well, after my change, James killed Damon, but he never found me.

“I was kept in the asylum for having premonitions when I was human, and stayed there until some other vampire whose name I do not know, helped me out. I saw that.”

 “So, your abilities are from your ability to have premonitions when you were human?” I wondered.

“Yes. That is what I think.”

What happened to James then? Would he still be alive and finding her? He is a vampire; he has indefinite life span like us. That question was answered by my father.

“Years ago, when Bella was still human, we had met James and his company while we were playing baseball. The sound of the bat at clash would need a thunderstorm to cover, and there was a thunderstorm that day. James caught her sense and tracked her all the way to where she was, as he saw through our tricks, trying to lead him to the opposite direction from where Bella was going. He caught her anyway, by lying that he had her mother. We killed him there. Bella was lucky that we got there in time.” My father leaned on the arch of the door.

“Edward?” My mother called from down the stairs. My father left us to talk.

“Back to the question. I was helpless when I was kept in the asylum, when I was human. My happiness back then was just snatched away because of having premonitions!” She gritted her teeth, and her fists were clenched tightly.

“Then what happened when you got out?”

“I saw that Jasper was coming. I went to the diner where I saw myself and him meet, and I waited for him there.” She smiled.

“Yeah and eventually I did come. How could I miss the chance of meeting my one true love of my life?” Jasper hugged Alice and carried her off the ground, then kissed her forehead.

Jasper’s words were like answers to questions that many people would not understand. Define love. Why did my mother keep me although I was killing her? Because she loved me. Love was why we fall down and get back up again; it was worth the pain, as long as you were able to be with a loved one. Why was Daniella only able to say “I’m sorry.” when her son screamed at her? Because she loved him. It was a sacrifice either one of them had to take. She did not want Kai to make that sacrifice and live with a mother that was a bad influence by taking drugs, so instead, she made the sacrifice and had to watch her son leave and blame her so coldly, as he did not understand her intention. That was love.

“What are you thinking about?” Jacob scared me, as I was deep in thought when he whispered in my ear. I jumped.

“Sensible souls.” I smiled.

“Dumb it down a little, please?” He snorted.

“Just love.” And he placed his arms around my waist, then kissing me.

I wished this love could last forever, but there was bound to be a day that one of us has to make the sacrifice. But it was never him, is not him and would never be him. It would be me. One day, I would have to make a sacrifice to save him from something or somewhere. I wondered how long this love would be able to last. I just hope that it would last long enough.

Guess what, you've officially reached the end point of Book 1! Stay with me as Book 2 of Evening Sun will be coming out soon!

Book 1: Renesmee

Chapter 9: Insincerity

Jacob ran off to find Leah, and I saw her walking towards the forest. I was not sure if he had seen her too.

“Seth, are you okay?” I asked while helping him up.

“I’m fine. But Leah… I’m sorry about that conversation.” Seth apologized.

I gave him a fake bemused look, but he saw through my mask. “I know you heard.”

I smiled at him, “Yea, yea. Let’s go. Jacob’s going to kill Leah if we don’t stop them.”

Immediately, Seth stood up and ran. It was hard to keep myself running at a human’s speed. I envied Seth for a moment. His immediate reaction was hard evidence, strong and secure, of his love for his bigger sister. Even though he always got insulted and made fun of, he still loved his sister dearly, and that was hard to find in a teenager, let alone a boy. I admired him for his gratefulness and love for his sibling. Leah was lucky to have a brother like Seth. Just then, my parents came to school.

“Is that you, Bella?” Someone called from behind me. Me and Seth turned around.

“Oh my gosh, and that’s Edward.” The same voice continued.

“Hi, Angela.” My mother greeted. Both my parents hugged the woman named Angela. They were wearing everyday, long-sleeved clothing, just more adult-like. So, Angela did not feel their cold skin.

“Renesmee, Seth, what are you two doing here?” My father asked.

“Jacob ran to find Leah. Some,” I raised my eyebrows slightly and stared at my father. He got it. “Problems.”

My father stared into the woods, then at me. Then, he nodded and smiled.

“What are you doing here anyway, Mom, Dad?” I was trying to lighten the awkwardness.

“What? Bella, is this beautiful girl you call Renesmee your daughter? And this boy, your son? They’re all so grown up! It’s impossible!” Angela shrieked in surprise.

My parents remained with a straight face; I bet all those lying to other humans, including Charlie, gave them a perfect story to say when they asked that question.

“Renesmee is my daughter, adopted while we were studying in university. She’s special. She grows at a rate a little faster than normal, so we adopted her, to give her a family.” My mother said it like she had practiced for a long time just to get it all right.

“Seth is a friend.” My father smiled at Seth.

“I think we should get going. The alumni’s gathering is starting.” He continued.

As they walked away after we said goodbye, Angela kept turning back to look at me, and I could hear my parents chuckling while they were hand in hand.

“Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett.” I and Seth greeted as they walked past us to the same alumni gathering. They greeted back.

We ran, again at a human pace, to find Jacob and Leah. I could hear their conversation from beyond the woods.

“I don’t care about her safety. She’s just a little brat that can take care of herself. You’re just wasting our time to protect a girl that can run faster than you. Just because she is your soul mate doesn’t mean we have to obey your every command and protect her. It just makes me sick being around her every day. I’m not even sincere about protecting her. What’s better? I really want to kill her.” She laughed.  

“Don’t you dare lay your hands on her. One slight motive to injure her and I will snap your neck into half so easily like a branch or chopstick.” Jacob growled.

“Can’t help it.” Leah gave him a three word answer.

“You can’t? How about I help you not lay any hands on her. Can you help that?” Jacob threatened. I did not like him like that, he was cruel.

“Stop it! Jacob! Don’t say that! It’s okay, no need for violence. Right, Leah?” I placed my hands on his shoulders, looking like I was calming him, but instead I was securing him in case he was too infuriated and went for a phase.

“I don’t know.” She shrugged. Was she tired of living?

“Seth! Hold on to Jacob.”

I ran over to talk to Leah and pulled her away to a distance that nobody could hear what I told her.

“I know you hate me. We can settle that personally, but don’t implicate Jacob in it. Anytime, any day. Okay? So don’t irritate him anymore and just go along with him.”

“Anytime? Any day? Fine.” A wide grin was across her face. It was a face of victory, like she got the prize, that she could fight me.

We walked back out into the area where Jacob and Seth were. A mile away from behind the trees, I could hear another commotion.

“Please. She doesn’t mean it!” Seth pleaded.

“Renesmee sacrificed herself so that I would not get into a fight with your sister, and your sister just grinned! Do you know what that means?” Jacob sounded angry. Seth was on the ground, pleading, as I could see through the tiny spaces in between the trees.

We were nearing the area where they were. It was silent now. I tripped over a protruding branch as I was not paying attention. I was thinking about what Jacob said. ‘And your sister just grinned!’ did he spy on our conversation, or did we not go far enough? I caught myself on Leah’s arm, and I accidentally pushed her onto the ground. Whatever I was thinking I could not keep to myself. Leah flinched, and she stared me a murderous look. She was about to phase. Oh no. What had I just done?

“Leah, no!” Jacob growled sharply and phased. Leah had not yet phased, and she never intended to. Jacob was going to kill her!

“Leah, run!” Seth screamed, but Leah was paralyzed with fear and shock. Seth phased to protect his sister.

Jacob lifted his large paw, and in a one-tenth of a second, he was sent running towards Leah blindly. I was shocked. I did not know what to do. My head took over of my body rather than me at that point of time. I was mindlessly thrown in front of Leah, with two hands stretched out in front of me to stop Jacob. It felt like a razorblade. I could feel the thick fluid flowing out from the wound as I was thrown 20 feet back by Jacob’s over-powering speed.

As soon as the thick mist that clouded his mind was blown away, he realized what was happening, that he had thrown me back to the trees, and injured my arm with his sharp teeth, leaving a large, bloody wound. 

“I’m so, so sorry!” Leah apologized to me, lending a hand to help me get up. Seth phased back to help with my wound.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as those that were the size of baseballs rolled down his chocolate-brown fur. The pain of the skin wound was nothing, it was the pain in my heart when I saw the regret, the guilt, the fear, in his mesmerizing eyes after he realized what he had done, that made me cry. I did not blame him, but he blamed himself, and that made me heart-broken. My heart, so brittle – just like glass – and so fragile, it had to be well took care of, as long as he did not feel anything but happy, it would stay strong and indestructible. But what I had just witnessed, the regret, the guilt, the fear in him, it was like when Alice dropped the glass vase last time. My heart –just like the glass vase- was shattered into a million pieces of fragmented glass.

Jacob winced in agony, and took off in shame. Seth was treating my wound, but I told him to stop, and let it heal with that accelerated healing speed that both the shape-shifters and the vampires had. He hesitantly let go of me. I patted him on the shoulder.

Take Leah back to the Cullens, and keep the thought and memory to yourself. I don’t want my father to know and kill both of them. He was used to it too, my thoughts running through his head. He nodded and brought Leah, who was in a bit of shock, back to our home.

It would be meaningless to try and chase after him, so I decided to go to my meadow. He told me before, that the meadow was the right place to go to get away from his troubles, and so I would try my luck there.

“What have I done…?” He was talking to himself, his face in his palms.

“Nothing. It’s okay.” I comforted him.

“Renesmee? Renesmee! I’m so sorry!” He hugged me so tightly.

“It’s okay.” I took his face in my hands and kissed him on his lips. “How about we get going now? We have to get home.”

“But your wound…?”

“It’s almost healed. Let’s go already!” I laughed, and pulled him, as if he were that heavy. He finally smiled, not big, but that was good enough to show that he was alright.

After that incident, Leah’s hate for me was slowly dispersing. She was grateful. Seth took care of her, such a great kid. Jacob, he was not timid, but he always waited for my permission or command before doing anything. I just wished that he would not do that, because it was hurtful to me, knowing that his courage was gone because of me. I wished that he would change, to be the old Jacob he always was…

Sorry. I've been writing my stories the last month, hard to write when you've alot of school work. So congrats here's chapter 8!

Book 1: Renesmee

Chapter 8: Siblings

The past three years were quite busy, since my tenth birthday. Congratulations to me on officially being a seventeen year old. Growing up by five years in only two was a weird thing, which was why when I went to middle school I had to be home-schooled when people started to notice I was growing faster than usual. Right now, I would stop growing older, and remain seventeen forever, and so would he. I did not use my ability to communicate anymore, unless when I could not put my feelings through words, which would be all the time, when he enchanted me with his flawless features.

Leah, she was upset and annoyed because I was with her leader most of the time, and she and Seth had to see it every day. Though, they would go back to their home in La Push once in awhile, but when they did not they would be lodging in the Cullens residence. When they would go home, it would be when the Clearwaters have their family gathering. I could protect myself, granite-hard skin, superhuman strength, speed, eyesight, hearing and evasiveness, and he had to make things overboard.

After Sam left, along with Paul, Jared, Emily, Quil and the rest of the pack for their own personal reasons, Leah and Seth were the only shape-shifters, as my father called them, other than my Jacob. He made a protection plan, that all of them would have to be transferred to Forks High School from the school at the reservation, so that Jacob could feel at ease that I was protected. Does he even remember that I could outrun him? If I could outrun him, who could I not outrun, except my father of course. My father was the fastest runner in the family, and I was second, training with Jacob frequently for years, I eventually ran faster than the rest.

Seth was making friends, happy in fact, that he was transferred to Forks High School. He enjoyed studying in a new environment, so like him, always wanting something new.

“Hey.” Jacob placed his arm over my shoulders. I smiled at him.

Leah was coming towards us, while Seth was walking into the classroom. In the large empty capacity of my brain, I used part of it to calculate if we would run into her. Another part of my brain was used to calculate how much time before we reached her if we were going to run into her, and lastly I was pondering on what I should do if we really ran into her.

“Hey Jake.” She called.

“Leah.” I greeted.

In my mind while walking towards her I was thinking, if I gave her what respect that she deserved, she would not get annoyed by me, as she thought of me as a brat. Obviously, she was jealous. I could not blame her, she had a bad impression of my mother anyway, of course she would have bad blood towards me.

“Leah.” Jacob laughed.

How disrespectful, Jacob! I reprimanded him, not out loud. My hands were on his arm.

“Sorry.” He whispered, and kissed my forehead.

I shook my head slightly; surely he could see that or at least feel that. We sat together, as usual, at English. Mr. Goodman, the teacher who took over Mr. Birdy who taught my parents when they were in high school, was just like him. They were like identical twins in their mind; they both loved tragic love stories. It made me wonder if they were telepathic, or were they brothers. They had such similarity in taste. He spoke of Romeo and Juliet every ten minutes, and that was getting on Leah’s nerves. I could not be bothered with his Romeo and Juliet quotations and statements, so I focused on Leah, and tried to read her body expressions. It would help me to recognize when she was feeling what, so that I could avoid her when she was annoyed, in case something happens and she exposed herself, or I expose myself, or worse, if Jacob or Seth exposed themselves. Better to take precaution than to bear consequence.

Something was surely going on in Leah’s head. She may not have known it, but she was shivering and shaking in anger, like she was screaming in her head but not out her mouth and shaking away the anger was the only way to exert any force to calm down.

“Let her be.” He whispered in my ear.

Are you sure? Do you want to talk to her? Maybe she was in hard times, and maybe he wanted to help.

“Yes, I am sure.” He only answered the first question.

English was finally over, and Leah stood up violently and left the classroom. Everybody stared at her as she made her exit, and Seth ran after her. Seth was like the peacemaker, every time she got angry, he would calm her down. I was thankful for that.

As I walked out with Jacob’s arms around me from the back, everyone stared at us too. I could hear many whispers and gasps for air when they had a slight glance at my boyfriend. I felt proud of that.

“Of course, because I’m yours. Forever.” He nuzzled in my hair.

You mean it?

“Since your birth had I ever left?”

True. I kissed him on the forehead.

From where we were, I could hear a very faint conversation. There was some screaming, an argument. There were many gasps and shocked breaths.

“I’m done! I’m not staying any longer!”

“He won’t allow it. Please be logical, Leah. Just stay.” The voice was pleading.

“Shut up, Seth! Ugh! Let go of me!”

“I won’t.”

“I’m near it. Let go.”

“I don’t care.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Seth.” She continued in a voice that only creatures with extraterrestrial hearing could listen to, “Let me kill that brat.”

“You’ll expose yourself! I won’t let you do that!” Seth grabbed tighter than ever.

“Please, Seth. I don’t want to hurt you, and I hope I don’t have to.” But he did not budge, as now I could see the commotion.

For humans, that argument would have only been heard until when she told Seth the first time that she did not want to hurt him. I felt Jacob stiffen, as if he felt fear lurking beyond the next few steps.

“Cool down.” I whispered.

“How can I? She wants to kill you.” His grip tightened, in protection and anger, when he emphasized on the last two words.

No, Jacob. Don’t expose your identity of a shape-shifter, nor let her expose hers. He nodded.

We walked through the dispersing crowd, and saw Seth on the floor. Leah, she was…  

Sorry haven't started on next chapter yet.. Working on the Aro's story for Stephenie Meyer fanpage contest (: Now that its done - i'm also almost done with the exclusive ending of this story for my friend to read only(Sorrt again) but you'll get to read it when the story comes to an end (: Aro's story a hint = it's a major part in Evening Sun. Ciao ^^ And today in school i started to speak random british accent. (: I sounded average :p

This is just a random song i heard - i found it meaningful, so this is to you. <3

Here you go people! Fresh from the oven (: Subscribe to my youtube page HORRRRH! I hope Peter sees this ^^

I can NEVER get tired of the ending in New Moon film.

E: Just give me... five years.
B: That's too long.
E: Then, three?
B: -silence-
E: You're stubborn.
B: What're you waiting for?
E: I have one condition... If you want me to do it myself.
B: What's the condition?
E: And then, forever.
B: That's what i'm asking.
E: Marry me, Bella.
B: -gasps-
*The show ends.*

I like that ending. Hmm vampire discussion time. Never make a vampire that falls in love with you leave you, because you've heard of everlasting love. Leaving you would be the hardest thing they'd ever do, hurting you would be like killing themselves, even more painful than getting their heads ripped off by the Volturi, i guess. Everlasting love is everlasting happiness or else, everlasting regret.

Vampire Joke - Before Twilight: Ewww OMG BLOODSUCKERS LIVE AMONG US! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FILTHY VAMPIRE!
After Twilight: Edward, can he pleeeeeeease bite me -_-" like PLEEASE??? How about Carlisle?? Emmett! ALICE, my bestie! NAHHHH... I still WANT Edward. Hah Bella!

I love the song that goes with the New Moon ending. They match perfectly. OHGOD I COULD WATCH THE ENDING OVER A MILLION TIMES AND NOT GET TIRED!

Question! Do you think vampires really live among us? In 2006 a physicist said vampires exist, they called him crazy... But how i wish it was real - a real life twilight drama :D I mean only the Cullen type. Write your comments and answers in the chatbox on the right!

Who ever wanted bling skin? ;) Trust me, after twilight - many of the girls wanna date a bling skin guy... Too bad blong skin doesn't exist. There's a possibility that white dust and ash exists though. And sleeping in coffins and turning into bats. Who ever thought about this : If i ever become a vampire in real life - i'd start making Stephenie Meyer's books based on a true story (: And get rid of those unhealthy rough skin thats so freakin dusty! I'd turn my skin to bling! And make my eyes yellow ^^

Every girl wants an edward. True true? True true! How i wish Edward really existed. Don't count on Robert though, he's got his human fiance in his arms already, Kristen! Though he would make a good first time vegetarian, or maybe Peter will be better. *snarl* NOT loving it here in Singapore, but worrying about USA(no offence but president should really ban guns in America, see how safe Singapore is w/o guns?)..

Let's be bulletproof. Who wants to go on a hunt for swampy vampires and make ourselves the first vegetarian vampires? ;D And maybe we'd visit La Push and find the werewolves. Then not be natural enemies - Okay im just joking about all this! but i really do wish to be bulletproof. It's cool 0.0 :)

Last but not least, enjoy this post! Darn it - I seriously LOVE this movie. right now what i see isn't Robert Pattinson. I see a vampire that is proposing to Kristen Stewart. Romantic and stuff. If only Edwards live among us in this world. I wondered why i didn't go 'AHHHHH!' in the theatres. Maybe because i'm more mature now than two years ago (:

Rob - I love your movies ;) Will watch Water For Elephants for sure!
Kristen - I totally love ALL your movies. You get into the characters so well, it's very convincing as if you've felt that way before. Love ya ;D
Ashley - You're a GREAT actress! you inspire me alot (:
Joe - I love your voice. Your disney channel show Jonas is really funny. ^^

To all 4 of you:
Have a happy life together ahead, Kristen with Rob, and Ashley with Joe. Wishing you everlasting love (like vampires, sorry i can't get over twilight [: ). To Peter, hope your children live a happy life doing what they want and be a great person like you and Jennie (:

I've had a close brush with death, but i've been in hell long before that.

Aww man i'm getting into character and sooooooooooo DEPRESSED. I've made Renesmee's lifeso hard, don't hate me because i've already hated myself. Andnow i'm jumping to the last chapter for my friend, only for her eyes (: That made me sad because, JACOB IS REALLY SAD )': SNEAK PEAK! Jacob is sad because Renesmee is missing and he feels dead, meaning that renesmee is/might be dead too. No more reason to live. He's contemplating suicide again and again.

Cheer up (: You've got supporters! You can talk to anyone of us when you need a person to talk to, let out your frustrations and tell us your troubles (: Don't live on all that by yourself. <3 xoxo

Hey, so srry it took sooo long! Annyways i got intoo character soo much i almost cry while writing the first art of this chapter. Please enjoy my loveable creations thank you (:

Book 1: Renesmee

Chapter 7: Confused - Suicide

Dawn was breaking through the clustered, still-black clouds that blanketed the sky like smoke. The crescent-shaped source of light reflected dimly off our whiter-than-albino vampire skin, except for Jake’s of course. Our skin sparkled lightly, mine was the lightest.

During the trip back home, as the sun slowly rose from beyond the trees at morning twilight, I stared out of the window and admired the view while thinking about many things. Thinking how fortunate I was, as that thought just popped out in my mind. It was true; I was really the most fortunate. According to what Daddy and Mommy told me before, all of them had turned into vampires due to unfortunate events and misfortune. But that was all; that was all they had told me.

I also thought about Jake, fortunate that I always had a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to when I was troubled, and someone that understood me very well. Who could he turn to when I was hurting Mommy, when he was in pain, when he wished he was dead, when he was on razor-blades that made him bleed and hurt badly, when he was in the sea of never-ending pain when Mommy was assumed… dead? No-one. Yes, no-one. He could confide with no-one. How did he cope with all the pain and stress? I was not there when he needed someone to talk to; I was not there when he was in pain.

Why does Jake still bother to stay with us? Why is he so close to me? Why did we become best friends? Being best friends just makes him hurt more when I’m sad, and vice-versa. I didn’t want him to feel bad. Should I just start to painfully ignore him so he can go back to the reservation and stay with Billy?

 Just leave my side, Jacob. Leave me. Go, just go. Stop threatening me at knife-point from the inside of my heart. Don’t kill me from inside (heartbroken, since our skins were impenetrable.). Stop it, Jacob. I want you to go. Don’t come back. You care about me? Then don’t break my heart anymore. Stop making me guess what exactly you’re thinking, staying with vampires that you previously detested. Let things go back to the way they were, when you didn’t know about Mommy and Daddy. Making me guess if you’re in pain; it just makes me hurt more. I don’t understand you. I don’t hate you but I think things are better like that, pretending we don’t know and hate each other – that we weren’t best friends. I’ll miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, but the only things I can tell you now are apologies and goodbyes.

I admit it, I can’t do that. I can’t say what I just thought. Maybe I’m just a coward, maybe I’m just a weakling. I don’t dare to say all those words to Jake. In my mind he was Jake, my best friend. But in my heart, I don’t know. If he was just my best friend, would I have thought about really daring to say those hurtful words? I’m confused. ‘He is just your best friend! He is just your best friend!’ my head went, chanting like some monk sutras, reminding me of my position. My heart asked what if it was something more. “Darn! Shut up! Leave me some peace! Stop telling and asking me things like that!” I screamed ‘at’ my mind and heart, as if my mind and heart had a brain of its own, overruling my thoughts. I was confused. Nowhere was peaceful. HELP! Save me from this misery!

I could feel little, wet, drops of tears roll down slowly my cheeks. Luckily Jake was asleep, or else he would question me like I was a criminal in interrogation. Daddy looked at me through the front mirror, worry clearly written all over his face, instead of just his forehead, which was not normal. His expression instantly switched from worry to intense hate and fury anger. His jaw was clenched tightly together as he stared intensely at Jacob, his eyes telling me all; I could see he wanted to rip Jacob’s head off, his eyes saying ‘I am going to kill you right now, mongrel!’ A soft snarl ripped through Daddy’s throat. I was lost in thought again. Should I be happy that Daddy was really angry with Jacob, or should I be sad that Daddy might hurt him? Why was the life of an accelerated-growing vampire-human creature so hard? There were too many decisions. Maybe I was just making my own life worse.

“Don’t think too much,” Daddy smiled. “Enjoy while you’re young, and don’t worry about other thi-” He suddenly stopped the car very abruptly. Shock overwhelmed me and Daddy. Mommy was in concentration, while Jake was sleeping like a log, sleeping like he was a non-living thing, which explained why he couldn’t sense the abrupt jerk.

“Did I scare you? I’m sorry Edward…” Mommy said apologetically.

“Suddenly a new voice popped in my head. Thinking about her human days with me, right?” Daddy chuckled, while Mommy nodded shyly. If she could blush, she’d be red in the face by now. I went to sleep as I had spent all night thinking and I was really tired.

When I woke up, I was in my room, on my bed. Jake was sitting down beside my bed, his head and arms on the bed. He dug his face into his hands and fell asleep, I guessed. I silently and swiftly got off of the bed, and went to find Grandma Esme.

“Grandma Esme?”

“Yes, Renesmee?” She was in one of the rooms that all the others barely went. She was in a room that looked like a church. She instantaneously got up from the bench and walked towards me.

“What are you doing here?”

“Praying, to the god whom I believe in.”

“Why do you have to pray?”

“Before I was changed into a vampire by Carlisle, I tried to kill myself. I jumped off a cliff, hoping I would hit my head and die or drown to death or something.” She half-smiled, grief was clearly shown on her face.

“Why did you try to kill yourself?”

“Because, I had a beautiful baby boy. He had no father (she left him), well maybe I should say his father abused me. When I found out I was pregnant with him, I ran away and gave birth to him. However, he died a few days later. I had nothing left.  I decided I had no purpose to continue living a life of grief, and so I was suicidal and attempted to kill myself.”

“Then, Grandpa Carlisle found you and saved you?”

“Not exactly. I knew Carlisle when I was 16. I broke my leg and he treated it for me. We were real close. However I was stupid and foolish and went off to marry a man that abused me. When I was found in a morgue by Carlisle, he could hear my heartbeat though the humans thought I was dead. They assumed me dead because they didn’t have such powerful senses. He turned me into this because I was as good as dead. We fell in love not long after and got married.” Grandma Esme explained.

“Oh… I understand. I’m really sorry I made you remember something so saddening. Do you still miss your son?”

“Of course I do. That is why I pray. Wherever he is in this world, whether in heaven or already reincarnated, I wish him a happy life. Though I love all of you,” She patted my head. “I still grieve, because I can’t have another child of my own anymore.” She said bitterly.

I nodded in understanding. I walked towards the one and only bench in the ‘church’ room, sat down and prayed for Grandma Esme’s baby son.

Hoping that Grandma Esme baby son, wherever he is right now, may god protect him and let him live a long, happy life with his loved ones. May he always be at peace in heart and still remember Grandma Esme as someone connected to him in his past life. God bless, Amen...

I'm sorry the chapter 7 is coming soooo late. I'm 1/4 done, bcos i've got school work. Try my best to post it soon (: Thanks for your co-operation! xoxo

Come to school okays? Stay strong <3

Hey bloggers and visitors and followers (: So i have a youtube channel and its called TheBigC (it means the big Cullens) or well, i'm making it soon. And i'll be posting some videos on the twiluight cast. I'm just a fan and well, i know how to use moviemaker (: So go visit okays? Thanks peeps!

Well, it's like HELL. And in Singapore we call it Secondary 2. Secondary 2 just stressed me out, might as well i just die and escape all these shit. Tiring CCA hours, then almost straight after it'll be Tuition. OH GREAT! Even my Saturday's are unescapeable. Writing the renesmee story is the only thing that de-stresses me. Thank God. And thinking of Peter also makes me calmer. Still, i can't escape hell till June holis, and during the June holis, i think i'll be writing the 10th chapter? Because schools restricting my writing time, so i can only post a few chapters in a few months. Not like 6 chapters in 5days. I'm really sorry. You can come back once in a while to check if i posted anything yet, if not come back in June! it's a promise. And remember to spread this to your friends so they can enjoy the stories too!

Hey! As i promised, i'm posting Chapter 6 right now (: Enjoy the Chapter. Please help to spread this website, tell your friends on facebook and Twitter and stuff. Thanks! ;D

Book 1: Renesmee

Chapter 6: Bliss

I saw myself stuck in a gigantic oven, and the oven was starting to heat up. After a minute or two, my skin felt like it was on fire, like sunbathing without sun block lotion. Ouch! Suddenly my arms started to burn, with intense heat. Then the rest of my body followed. It was unbearable, the pain was excruciating, like a thousand daggers, heated in a fire, were nudging against my cement-hard skin. Though my skin was impenetrable, but the tips of the blades were sharp and very hot. Nothing could escape that pain. My body felt like it was walking into a burning fire, a scorching, stinging fire. Something nice and cold embraced my skin, like ice. I wanted to see what was embracing me with that cool, soothing touch.

 As I turned around, I saw Mommy. I was no longer in that oven. However, I still felt the heat, just not that intense as compared to in my oven dream. Uncle Jake was cradling me. Hmm... I’m already ten, and sooner or later I’d be 17, so should I start calling Uncle Jake as Jacob or Jake? I’ll ask.

“Hey, can I just call you Jake or Jacob, without the ‘uncle’? Because it makes you sound like you’re very old. You ARE only 16.”I explained.

“I was waiting for you to ask all this while, since your first birthday. It feels so much better listening to you calling me by my first name; ‘uncle’ makes me feel old.” He laughed.

When I peeked out of the window, I saw very little cars lined up along the road. The trees along the road were decorated beautifully with white satin fabric, hanging from tree to tree. Dim, yellow lights were hanging around tree branches and tied about tree trunks. When we were nearing our destination, the gigantic house came closer in my view. We parked all 3 cars in a line, and made our way to the house. The house was beautifully decorated with the same white satin fabric I saw hanging on the trees outside. Many flowers were placed along the sides of the stairs. I could very distinctively identify one of the flower scents. It was wildflower.

“Alice.” Mommy said, confident that her guess was right.

“What?” Aunt Alice replied nervously, not focusing on one spot for more than three seconds.

“Being the wedding planner again huh? Everything looks the same, just like when I officially got married to Edward.”

“You know I love to do things nice and pretty, and I love planning things too!”

They both started to giggle.

“Come on; let’s go help Kate and Tanya get ready for the ceremony. The guests are reaching soon.” Aunt Rosalie interrupted the giggling playfully and pulled Mommy and Aunt Alice up the stairs, while Grandma Esme followed closely behind, in a flash. “Take care of Renesmee, dog.”

“Sure thing, Blondie.”

Jake and Aunt Rosalie loved to argue. I’ve experienced all their heated conversations since I was just a few months old. They could find fault with each other on just about anything! It was always interesting and hilarious to hear their quarrels. They loved to call each other names.

We walked out into the night. The sun had set perfectly on time behind the trees, lost beyond the horizon. Not a slight tint of yellow or orange was brushed along the initially grayish clouds twenty minutes ago that were now black. Many chairs were lined up in rows and columns. We searched for the chairs that had our family’s names pasted on them, and there were exactly ten chairs lined up in the first row on the right side of the aisle. Carmen and Eleazar walked towards us from out of nowhere. Greetings, congratulations and thanks started to fill the air.

“So, who are the grooms?” Grandpa Carlisle asked.

I could hear Eleazar asking Carmen whether they should unveil this meant-to-be-a-surprise secret. Then, there was a slight discussion that all of us could actually hear, though muffled, but we could still decipher the exact words they were speaking. They finally came to a conclusion. According to Carmen, since we were considered their extended family, we were granted all insider information. Daddy laughed, probably because he was invading Eleazar’s head. Whatever Eleazar was thinking, it would probably explain his annoyed expression on his pale white face.

His eyebrows had fallen into a stubby, thick straight line across his forehead, his liquid-golden pupils seemingly his whole eye because his frowning made his eyes look really small that all the white was gone. He was obviously in great disagreement with Carmen on the ‘insider information’ situation. He was pouting like how a small kid would when he didn’t get things his way, or when his parents refuse to buy him a toy or ice-cream. To adults it would be taken in to mind as childish, but to me I felt that it was insanely cute, and if he were my younger brother I wouldn’t mind pinching his slightly-chubby cheeks. He looked like a teddy bear! So… Huggable.

“Okay! So remember Garrett? The curious one. He was with us few years ago when this little one’s life was being threatened by the Volturi?” She patted my head. I could see Daddy wince. It had been a tough time for him and Mommy, worrying about the Volturi wanting me dead, worser than the rest. “He followed Kate everywhere she went, as he had promised her on the battle field that if they had survived it he would do so. So eventually they decided to get married. It is the way one says ‘I love you’ in our world, right?”

Daddy smiled, like he was in reminiscence about something. “Yes. Of course it is. I remember when I told that to Bella while she was still human, and she said that marriage was just a piece of paper, and at her age it just meant that she got knocked up. Now she knows it’s more, huh?” He laughed. “So, getting back to the grooms, who’s Tanya marrying?”

“She’s marrying Pete!”

“Pete?” Uncle Emmett asked.

I could see Jake in deep thought. He must be like me, thinking ‘Who is Pete? American nomad? What coven?  Or is he human?’

“Does he know?” Jake asked.

“Yes, Jacob.” Eleazar spoke under his breath.

“Is he...?” Jake asked again, inhaling deeply, then wincing. He had forgotten that the scents of the Denali Coven were unfamiliar and he wouldn’t be used to it yet, thus the wincing. I knew he meant whether Pete was human.

“Oh! No.” Carmen looked as if that question she deemed unexpected.

“Then, how?” I was being curious-me again. Daddy and Jake laughed, and Jake placed his humongous palm on my head, not exerting any force, and holding back some weight. The rest of the crowd chuckled softly, except for Uncle Emmett, whose laugh boomed as loud as a stereo set at half the maximum volume. He could be taken as the third one laughing, though he only meant to chuckle.

“Like Esme. Pete only remembers that some people in the woods had pushed him down a cliff, and he hit his head. He was knocked unconscious, then nothing. We found him in a bush near the shore. We think that someone near the shore saw him in the water, and tried to save him. However, he couldn’t wake up anymore and was as good as dead to human ears. So they just threw him into a bush and left. We were passing by on our way back from that battle few years ago, and we found him. Tanya insisted we save him and bring him back.”

Grandma Esme? What relation was between Pete and Grandma Esme’s near-death experience? I would have to ask her later, as now many guests were waltzing down the aisle to their respective seats.

“Oh! We got to go! We have to entertain the guests.” Carmen exclaimed, rushing.

Carmen and Eleazar left the perimeter quickly. Many guests started flowing in like luck knocking on the door during an auspicious day, like a river of water flowing down the stream. Soon, Aunt Alice, Aunt Rosalie, Grandma Esme and Mommy’s chatters and giggles could be heard, and it meant that they were done with Tanya and Kate, and the ceremony would be starting in a few moments. They took their seats accordingly.

“Mr. Weber? Wow! Alice, you still use him? He may see the difference in me! And Renesmee! Gosh, did you think about that matter?” Mommy questioned Aunt Alice really quickly and softly, too quick and too soft for human ears. It was too quick for Jake too, though he could hear it. I could identify each word she said in my mind.

“I told him already, that we went overseas for two years for mine, yours and Edward’s University schooling. Then you adopted Renesmee, out of kindness sake. He believed the story totally.” Aunt Alice explained patiently.

The ceremony started quickly, Tanya and Kate walking down the aisle with either Eleazar or Carmen, Pete and Garrett waiting at the other end, standing beside Mr. Weber. The same words about holy matrimony and wedding vows that I heard and read at least a million times, from all the movies and stories, ran in my mind again as Mr. Weber spoke. The only words that were altered were ‘Till death do us part’ to the more appropriate ‘as long as we both shall leave’. All the couples at the wedding were smiling sweetly. The four “I do’s” brought harmonious cheering and best wishes into the air.

The wedding flowed into the reception party smoothly—proof of Aunt Alice’s flawless planning. Both our families had the customary dance with Tanya, Kate, Pete and Garrett. Once it was midnight, everybody started making their way home. We bid our good-lucks and goodbyes to the newly-weds and their family, and, too, made our way back to Forks.